The Sea Between

One of my favorite poems by Leah Goldberg appears as the third poem in a five-poem cycle titled "Harchek meod" (Very Far Away) (included in her 1964 volume of poems 'Im ha layla ha-ze).  Here's the poem in transliterated Hebrew:

Ze lo ha-yam

Ze lo ha-yam asher beyneynu,
Ze lo ha-tehom asher beyneyu,
Ze lo ha-zman asher beyneynu
Ze--anu sheynu asher beyneynu.

Here's a literal translation:

It is not the sea

It is not the sea that (is) between us,
It is not the abyss that (is) between us,
It is not the time that (is) between us
It's--us the two of us that (are) between us.

A few years ago, I attempted to translate this one section. As with many Goldberg poems, this one adheres to a specific formal structure; however, the rhyme pattern is not that challenging, since each line ends with the same phrase "between us." The problem is that "between us" falls considerably short of the mellifluous "beyneynu."  The last line is also tricky.  I suppose you could translate it more grammatically as "It's--us, the two of us, between us" but then the repetition of "us" becomes weighty (to my ear).  You could argue that the weight of "us" works on a figurative level but then you lose entirely the relation "us" has to sea, abyss and time.  The point is that "us" is fluid, immaterial, inconstant.  Weight implies fixity, location, place.   I knew that "us" had to go but I had no idea what else would work.  I set aside the poem and waited.

I found the solution to my translation impasse in The Arcade Fire's "Ocean of Noise."  I was listening to it the other day and just happened to be paying closer attention than usual to the lyrics.  Here's the stanza that sparked my eureka moment:

No way of knowing
What any man will do
An ocean of violence
Between me and you.

There it was: "between me and you."  Now it seems so obvious.  I realized that if I contracted "It is" and made a few other changes, I could keep the lines pretty compact (as they are in the original) and also preserve the wonderful fluidity and openness of the "oo" sound in "beyneynu."  Here's the translation that resulted:

It's not the sea

It's not the sea between me and you
It's not the abyss between me and you
It's not time between me and you
It's--you and me between me and you.

It's not quite there...I'd like to add a syllable in the third line but maybe I should just let this one go as is.  I tackled the rest of the cycle but those parts still need a lot of tuning.  Other English translations of this particular poem are out there but I try to block those out when I'm translating.  This poem has long fascinated me and I felt that the only way I could understand it, or try to understand it, was by translating it.  Also, I'm currently working on a dissertation chapter on Goldberg and her own translation practices and when I need a jolt of motivation, I find that translating poems of hers that I love sets me back on track.

Comments

[Alaina]

Behind-the-scenes of poetry translation - I love it! More please.

[gurdonark]

I found this site because I am interested in theremins, and you posted a theremin post on your flickr account.

I like your try at the translation.

I suggest this line:
"It's you and me between me and you"
might work as "It's us--you and me--between you and me". The "us" in this setting seems less tired than the "us" in the literal translation, and it creates a different image to contrast with the "you and me", to show the unity and disparity in the concepts of us/you/me.

Lovely poem.

[Adriana]

Thank you for the comments. Gurdonark, I'm glad you found the site and I appreciate your feedback. An early version of my translation had "us" in the final line and I agree that it might work there. I kind of like it like this: "It's--us, you and me, between me and you."